Love in the Time of Coronavirus

Though most of the world is completely upside down right now, Bumble is buzzing. So is Match.com. Because everyone’s home, facing our own company (in every sense, right?). There’s no better time than right now to curb the loneliness that comes with this isolationism, and start your online dating game back up.

My brilliant life and love coach Marnie Handel Nir has always believed that virtual first dates are more efficient (and way less time consuming) than those awkward, in-person first dates.

Never mind the gasoline it saves and the germs it doesn’t spread.

Though I’m fairly new to this online dating thing, one of the rules Marnie insisted I adhere to when I started up again in January was this:

Once you’ve matched with someone you’re even a little bit interested in, when the back and forth banter starts to heat up, before making plans to meet in person, invite “the intended” to do a live, meet and greet online.

“Trust me”, Marnie said, “you’ll know in the first five minutes if the conversation is worth your time, if there’s any chemistry, or even a teeny spark.” How right she was. And, I have learned, if you ask for a virtual date kindly, and call it a pre-req to an actual date, which isn’t even an option right now, most will be happy to oblige. If they are who they say they are in their profile, they’ll likely say yes.

So when I got to Philadelphia for part one of my 6 month Eat, Pray, Love hiatus from life, after a rough year of losing my mom and much of my business to the Malibu fires, I tried online dating Marnie’s way. I did a lot of swiping, and after two or three exchanges on the app, when the guys asked for my number, I got brave and instead asked them each out on a FaceTime date. The ones who didn’t want that got tossed into the NO pile. The rest, I set up back to back.

The best part? I only had to do my hair once.

And, honestly, it was fun. It got me back in the dating mindset, until the whole world shifted into the COVID-19 mindset. And now that my freezer is full and my family is prepared to hunker down for what could be a while (for which I am very thankful, by the way), I’ve got plenty of free time, and I’m out of excuses (again). So I’m ready to start online dating once more…in my pajama bottoms!

I invite you to join me…starting today.

It’s been said that William Shakespeare lost two siblings to the Bubonic Plague in the early 1600s, and holed himself up for more than a year, writing King Lear and other masterpieces we’ve continued to enjoy, for centuries.

Nearly 65 years after that, a 23-year-old kid named Isaac Newton, made social distancing work for all of us. While quarantined due to a widespread virus that nearly wiped out the population of Cambridge, he developed a handful of scientific theories that are still useful today — among them: calculus.

Compared to what came out of that kind of isolation, finding a partner seems pretty simple, don’t you think?

If it’s love you’re really looking for, I invite you to get off Facebook and onto the apps, pronto!

• Update your profile to share your true authentic self, sans the B.S. you used to use to describe yourself. Share what you are really looking for, and be honest about who you are. You’re probably learning a lot about that now. Be pithy. Stand out. And make it clear that you’re not looking to meet anyone in person at this time (duh), but rather, inviting them to join you via FaceTime or even WhatsApp for a 10-minute date, from the comfort of each of your own cabins.
• Line up a few dates, back to back each day. (Bonus: you don’t even have to wash your hands in between…)
• Clean yourself up. Take a shower, for a change. Do your hair, make yourself feel awesome about how you’re showing up, and put on a brightly colored shirt. Makeup not necessary. Just be you in all your fabulousity.
• Be prepared to ask fun questions and answer them yourself. Get creative. Create a quiz about things you’re curious about, beginning with easy questions like these: “chocolate or vanilla?, “beach or mountains”, “fancy or casual?”, “late night or early morning? Make up your own questions , and in two minutes, learn if his/her likes and dislikes are compatible with yours. Or ask curious questions like: if you found $300 on the ground (in a time that it was safe to touch the things you found, without gloves on), what would you do with it?! Or: what’s the best advice you ever got, or share your happiest childhood memory. Make up your own conversation starters, with content that matters to you.
• Show your lighter side. Invite potential prospects to play a game with you, like “two truths and lie” with you for a few minutes and see if it goes anywhere. I once did this with a guy who told me, “I’m not into game playing, I’m looking for love.” That one was a quick fade to black for me. I want someone to have fun with.
• Send a follow up thank you, or a no thank you. Don’t be that person who just disappears. If you had fun, say so, and ask for another. All they can say is no thanks back. And move on. Or forward?
• After each virtual “date,” take a few minutes to journal about each one, to remind you of what you are learning about people. (Otherwise, it will all feel like a giant blur.)
• Some will bomb. Others might really be awesome. All are undoubtedly great practice as you become an expert at being YOU in every scenario. Maybe there’s even a book somewhere in there? Some of this stuff you couldn’t make up if you tried.

Lo and behold, you might actually get to know (really know!) some interesting people this way. We have no idea how long this quarantine will last, but now’s the time to build true and lasting friendships, live online, that could ultimately lead to something more once this pandemic passes. Don’t wait even one more day to hop on the apps, get swiping, line up some dates, and start chatting. Challenge yourself to engage with people who may be on the same page as you are right now, home alone or trapped with family, realizing it might finally be time for a partner, once this quarantine is over. And it will be. Just start virtual dating and see where it takes you. If you find someone interesting, continue talking to him or her, and let the excitement build. How much fun it could be when all is said and done, and you can meet IRL, to see if the chemistry is real.

Still looking for the silver lining in this COVID19 pandemic? Maybe this is it? I (double) dare you to try this an eye opening experiment. Sure beats watching “Love Is Blind” (again…).